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Audio Drama

Wolf 359

Kinda Evil Genius Productions

+116 FANS
Life's not easy for Doug Eiffel, the communications officer for the U.S.S. Hephaestus Research Station, currently on Day 448 of its orbit around red dwarf star Wolf 359. He's stuck on a scientific survey mission of indeterminate length, 7.8 light yea...Show More
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40:56 | Aug 8th, 2017

Space Monkey Radio proudly presents U.F.Overview: a new series that offers in-depth analysis on the possibility of alien contact, and explores the complex realities of communicating with non-terrestrial beings.

2:09:54 | Dec 26th, 2017

Please be advised this episode of Wolf 359 contains violence and the use of firearms. Listener discretion is advised. Our finale episode. Faced with a choice between finally going home and stopping Pryce and Cutter's master plan, the crew of the ...Show More
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34:56 | Nov 4th, 2017

Please be advised this episode of Wolf 359 contains violence. Listener discretion is advised. Part two of two. Newly released from Pryce's mental control, Eiffel works with Lovelace and Hera to try to save the rest of the crew. But as the situatio...Show More

44:18 | Jun 13th, 2017

Please be advised this episode of Wolf 359 contains violence. Listener discretion is advised. The crew of the Hephaestus's day just got a whole lot worse. The funeral they were holding was interrupted by one of the deceased seemingly coming back to l...Show More

36:07 | Dec 13th, 2016

This episode of Wolf 359 contains gun violence. Listener discretion is advised. Part two of two. The crew desperately tries to salvage their mutiny and escape the wrath of the SI-5. But as both sides try to out-maneuver each other, the danger of dras...Show More

41:24 | Oct 19th, 2016

With Hera out of commission, Doctor Maxwell attempts a difficult reconstructive procedure on the unresponsive autopilot program. Before she can even begin, however, she will have to navigate through the shifting landscape of Hera’s memory banks, a ta...Show More

17:33 | Aug 15th, 2014

Our premiere episode. Officer Doug Eiffel, communications officer on board the U.S.S. Hephaestus Station, is willing to go to any lengths to procrastinate his work. Tasked with a pointless hunt for alien intelligence, Eiffel would much rather spend h...Show More

04:29 | Dec 24th, 2018

Faced with yet another affront to his dignity, Communications Officer Eiffel expresses his frustrations the only way he knows how - through the miracle of radio.  Written by Zach Valenti, Sarah Shachat, and Gabriel Urbina. Directed by Gabriel Urbi...Show More

05:05 | Dec 24th, 2018

Forced to deal with the unique challenge of figuring out how to put on a space suit, Communications Officer Eiffel does his best to break it down into small, manageable steps. Written by Zach Valenti, Sarah Shachat, and Gabriel Urbina. Directed by...Show More

04:52 | Dec 24th, 2018

Communications Officer Eiffel explores the far reaches of the Hephaestus, and goes on a journey like no other. Written by Zach Valenti, Sarah Shachat, and Gabriel Urbina. Directed by Gabriel Urbina. Performed by Zach Valenti. Original music by Ala...Show More

02:59 | Dec 24th, 2018

It's been one year since the release of our finale episode! To commemorate the occasion, we are finally releasing the full version of Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure and Protocol Manual, as well as three new mini episodes. Happy Holi...Show More

10:34 | Nov 14th, 2018

Fire up the old podcasting apps, and join Doug Eiffel himself, Zach Valenti, for a whirlwind update on what some of the cast and crew have been up to this year.

03:33 | Dec 26th, 2017

Before you dive into our finale episode, one last quick announcement from the show's producers. Thank you to everyone for three and a half amazing years!

11:38 | Dec 24th, 2017

Mission Mishaps, entry eight. SI-5 surveillance log. Entry #CRT004. Maxwell and Jacobi try to talk their way out of a mandatory assignment.

58:30 | Dec 21st, 2017

Investigative reporter Andrea Nash is having a very good day. She's flown halfway around the world on a very special assignment: an exclusive interview with Marcus Cutter, the infamous Director of Communications for Goddard Futuristics.

46:53 | Dec 12th, 2017

Please be advised this episode of Wolf 359 contains instances of violence and use of firearms. Listener discretion is advised. With the wayward pod successfully recovered but Doctor Pryce still in the hands of the rebellious crew, Cutter must find...Show More

11:38 | Dec 6th, 2017

Mission Mishaps, entry seven. SI-5 surveillance log. Entry #FRD916. Kepler and Jacobi try to keep themselves entertained during a stakeout.

36:20 | Nov 30th, 2017

Trapped with Kepler and Pryce on board a jettisoned pod from the Sol, Eiffel and Minkowski must find a way to avoid all manner of imminent death. Before too long, a delicate truce has been struck, as both sides try to find a way out of their predicam...Show More

13:07 | Nov 22nd, 2017

Mission Mishaps, Entry Six. Hephaestus Log #TRK536. Day 553. Eiffel takes the lead on cooking dinner for the crew's second Thanksgiving on the Hephaestus.

36:38 | Nov 14th, 2017

Please be advised this episode of Wolf 359 contains instances of violence and body horror. Listener discretion is advised. Having freed themselves from Pryce's mind control, Eiffel, Minkowski, Hera, Lovelace, and Jacobi need to come up with a plan...Show More

12:10 | Nov 8th, 2017

Mission Mishaps, Entry Five. Hephaestus Log #WYL320. Day four hundred and eighty-seven. Eiffel reads scary stories and hears something in the dark.

40:06 | Nov 1st, 2017

Please be advised this episode of Wolf 359 contains disturbing content. Listener discretion is advised. Part one of two. With the crew brainwashed into doing their bidding and Hera forced to comply with her creator's wishes, Pryce and Cutter seem ...Show More

08:09 | Oct 28th, 2017

Mission Mishaps, entry four. Hephaestus Log #NOL858. Day 411.

10:18 | Oct 12th, 2017

Mission Mishaps, entry three. Hephaestus Log #WME389. Day three-hundred and seventy-two. Eiffel encounters a stowaway.

39:51 | Oct 3rd, 2017

When Minkowski and the crew make contact with Command agents en route to the Hephaestus, the team must make some very difficult decisions about how to handle this new threat.

12:07 | Sep 27th, 2017

Mission Mishaps, Entry Two. Hephaestus Mission Log #KWE824. Day 202. Eiffel tries to avoid his daily chores around the station.

44:10 | Sep 18th, 2017

Slowly floating towards Wolf 359, untethered and separated from everyone else on the crew, Officer Eiffel tries a radical approach to solving the aliens' riddle.

15:38 | Sep 12th, 2017

Mission Mishaps, Entry One. Hephaestus Formal Complaint #ARB062. Day 510. Eiffel tries to boost the crew's morale with a bit of sonic artistry appreciation.

43:59 | Sep 4th, 2017

When Eiffel picks up signs of a transmission from deep space just hours before Hera's scheduled to go through an internal reset, the crew is divided on whether he should attempt to pursue it or not.

32:37 | Aug 22nd, 2017

Quarantined in Hilbert's old lab while Hera fixes a dangerous gas leak, the crew and their prisoners resort to increasingly desperate means to stave off boredom.

35:58 | Jul 25th, 2017

It’s been a few weeks since the crew aborted repairs on the Urania, and they are no closer to figuring out how to satisfy the aliens' mysterious demands. If only they had someone on board who shared some sort of connection with these beings...

39:11 | Jul 11th, 2017

With the end of the Urania's repairs in sight, the crew is throwing all their energy into one final push. But as the finish line inches closer, Captain Lovelace begins to notice something strange. Work is mysteriously getting undone each morning, and...Show More

36:21 | Jun 27th, 2017

Please be advised this episode of Wolf 359 contains mentions of violence, death, and suicide. Listener discretion is advised. As Eiffel, Minkowski, Hera, and Lovelace try to decide how to allocate their limited resources, Kepler finally reveals some ...Show More

07:24 | Jun 19th, 2017

Eiffel and Minkowski listen in on a tense discussion.

2:08:16 | Jun 9th, 2017

Lovelace, Lambert, and the rest of the original Hephaestus crew must come together if they hope to make it through the longest, strangest, and most dangerous day of their expedition so far.
ARCHIVED: The podcast creator has made this episode no longer available for listening.

05:13 | Jun 9th, 2017

You can now hear the first Wolf 359 Special, a flashback adventure set during Captain Lovelace's first mission on the Hephaestus! Over 2 hours of new content, available at
ARCHIVED: The podcast creator has made this episode no longer available for listening.

07:31 | May 1st, 2017

Thank you to all who voted for Wolf 359 in the Webby Awards! Shoutout to our patrons who recently helped us hit the Lovelace Administration Special stretch goal! Check out all the stretch goals and rewards and support the show with a monthly donation...Show More
ARCHIVED: The podcast creator has made this episode no longer available for listening.

02:49 | Apr 19th, 2017

Hey everyone, big news: we've been nominated for a Webby Award! If you don't know, The Webby Awards are kind of like the Oscars, but for stuff on the Internet. We need YOUR HELP to win The People's Voice Awards. Go vote at! It ...Show More
ARCHIVED: The podcast creator has made this episode no longer available for listening.

03:56 | Feb 13th, 2017

A short message from Zach Valenti (and special guest star Doctor Hilbert) about the Wolf 359 Patreon page.

36:22 | Dec 25th, 2016

As Eiffel, Minkowski, and Hera reel from the results of their mutiny, it soon becomes clear that even worse dangers might be right around the corner. With everyone's psyche in a delicate state and the chances of survival mounting against them, the cr...Show More

35:53 | Dec 6th, 2016

Part one of two. Still reeling from recent revelations, the crew plans to neutralize Colonel Kepler and the SI-5. But it's not long before different factions insist on conflicting ways to overcome their enemies - and about the level of force the situ...Show More

36:33 | Nov 22nd, 2016

With just over a day left before the long-anticipated alien contact event, Colonel Kepler keeps the crew working overtime to get the Hephaestus ready for anything - and everything - that might happen. As they work around the clock, however, the crew ...Show More

34:51 | Oct 31st, 2016

In order to better study the properties of an incoming solar storm, Eiffel, Lovelace, Jacobi, and Maxwell are assigned to collect data on board a small experimental module. Separated from the Hephaestus and the rest of the crew for four days, they mu...Show More

35:22 | Oct 4th, 2016

While most of the crew tries to enjoy a rare moment of downtime, Doctor Maxwell discovers some previously undetected flaws in the station's systems. When her suspicions about these faults are proven right, the crew is forced to have a series of unexp...Show More

27:30 | Sep 19th, 2016

After a technical mishap causes Jacobi's latest experimental gizmo to discharge within the Urania, a number of the SI-5's personal items are vented into space. A furious Colonel Kepler assembles everyone who was involved, hell bent on determining whi...Show More

36:22 | Sep 5th, 2016

Preparations are underway to deal with the next contact anomaly from Wolf 359. But the old crew of the Hephaestus is still unsure what preparations they should make to deal with Colonel Kepler and his team, and the divide in strategies is only gettin...Show More

10:26 | Aug 30th, 2016

Captain Warren Kepler undergoes an evaluation.

10:00 | Aug 23rd, 2016

Communications Specialist Douglas Eiffel considers consequences and responsibilities.

10:00 | Aug 15th, 2016

Unit 214 is given a second chance to prove her value as a company asset.

10:12 | Aug 1st, 2016

Air Force Captain Isabel Lovelace faces an unexpected test.

10:05 | Jul 25th, 2016

Doctor Alana Maxwell tries to solve an irritating problem.

10:09 | Jul 18th, 2016

Doctor Dmitri Volodin gets a visit from a man who wants to know more about his experimental research.

13:05 | Jul 10th, 2016

Air Force Lieutenant Renée Minkowski considers an unusual opportunity.

33:56 | Jun 28th, 2016

When Jacobi repeatedly tries - and fails - to put an additional signal receiver in orbit around Wolf 359, most of the crew writes off the endeavor as a lost cause. However, when the Hephaestus is hit by an unexpected series of stellar flares and the ...Show More

29:03 | Jun 14th, 2016

An accident leaves Dr. Maxwell in imminent danger and the entire station in a state of emergency. The crew scrambles to mount a rescue, but when Kepler and Minkowski disagree over which is the best way to conduct the operation and which way will get ...Show More

32:08 | May 30th, 2016

As they struggle with a demanding schedule, an expanding workload, and Colonel Kepler's growing secrecy, tensions amongst the crew members - both old and new - are on the verge of a breaking point. But when a technical glitch gives Minkowski, Lovelac...Show More

04:36 | May 28th, 2016

Jacobi reflects on his relationship with Colonel Kepler.

33:11 | May 17th, 2016

When the Urania's radio picks up and loses the first deep space signal in months, Colonel Kepler puts everyone on high alert. Split into two teams and forced to stay up on an all-night stakeout, the crew must find ways to keep busy and face unique ch...Show More

30:56 | Apr 27th, 2016

Seeking to prevent another unforeseen Decima outbreak, Eiffel and Hilbert run tests to determine the status of the virus inside the Communication Officer's body. The two men are forced to deal with an unexpected complication, however, when Colonel Ke...Show More

27:56 | Apr 12th, 2016

As the SI-5 tightens its grip on the Hephaestus, Colonel Kepler decides to run a comprehensive job review. Each faced with unique challenges, Eiffel, Minkowski, Lovelace, and Hilbert all struggle to prove their worth, preserve their autonomy, and sta...Show More

1:04:50 | Apr 1st, 2016

Recorded Live at the Alchemical Theatre Laboratory in New York City! It’s been a rough few months for Communications Officer Doug Eiffel. He’s dealt with plant monsters, the reappearance of a not-so-presumed-dead captain, and a supervirus still chill...Show More

06:17 | Mar 28th, 2016

An important message prompts additional resources to be uncovered for the Hephaestus Mission.

27:20 | Mar 14th, 2016

Sécurité. (noun) An international radio signal, used to convey messages concerning safety of navigation or important warning. Plus, sensitive information, sun tanning opportunities, surreal nightmares, bunny slippers, and the end of the known univers...Show More

29:47 | Feb 29th, 2016

Mayday. (noun) An international radio distress signal, used to signify a state of emergency on board a craft. Plus, complete operational breakdown, better ways to fly, mathematical realities, an idle mind, and the big blue wrecking ball.

34:02 | Feb 14th, 2016

Pan-Pan. (noun) An international radio distress signal, used to signify a state of urgency on board a craft. Plus, very simple instructions, Space Yukon, adventures in grease monkeying, Disney table manners, and killing everything and everyone.

21:15 | Nov 23rd, 2015

Part two of two. Faced with a new obstacle, the crew struggles to navigate all of Wolf 359’s sudden changes. Eiffel, Minkowski, and Hera desperately work to get the Hephaestus back on a stable orbit, while Hilbert and Lovelace face their own time-sen...Show More

23:16 | Nov 9th, 2015

Part one of two. The Hephaestus is thrust into a maelstrom in the wake of Wolf 359's sudden, violent change. With the station infrastructure taking heavy damage and multiple systems failing, Eiffel, Minkowski, and Hera must scramble to find a way out...Show More

23:41 | Oct 26th, 2015

With Eiffel in critical condition, Minkowski, Hilbert, and Lovelace are forced to put their differences on hold. But with long-held fears and grudges reaching their breaking points, it's not long before the uneasy truce is teetering on the brink of o...Show More

25:48 | Oct 5th, 2015

Forced to work together, Eiffel and Hilbert try to find some middle ground as they adjust the Hephaestus' systems. But with old grudges coming to a boil and Lovelace getting ever closer to her goals, will the volatile team be able to get the job done...Show More

09:35 | Oct 5th, 2015

Captain Lovelace goes forwards and backwards in time.

24:12 | Sep 21st, 2015

Now armed with a plan, the crew begins putting their elaborate deception in motion. While Eiffel keeps Captain Lovelace occupied, Hera and Minkowski start adjusting the station's equipment. But when their modifications cause a major system failure, w...Show More

22:48 | Sep 7th, 2015

Ten days after the reappearance of Captain Lovelace, the crew works around the clock to get the various systems on her shuttle up and running. Tensions rise steadily as Eiffel, Minkowski, and Lovelace face technical difficulties, personal differences...Show More

06:58 | Jul 4th, 2015

From the Goddard Futuristics Archives, File #A7NB566. Communications Officer Log on Day 1 of the Hephaestus Project.

30:31 | Jun 9th, 2015

The crew is shocked by the sudden reappearance of Captain Lovelace. At first relieved to have another ally on board the Hephaestus, Eiffel, Minkowski, and Hera soon grow suspicious of the station's former commanding officer. Is the newcomer really wh...Show More

24:35 | May 27th, 2015

Following the Plant Monster's reappearance, Minkowski makes it her mission to eliminate the mutant stowaway once and for all. But when her quarry proves surprisingly difficult to corner, the Commander resorts to increasingly desperate and dangerous t...Show More

22:24 | May 12th, 2015

Against Minkowski's better judgment, Eiffel decides to use Hilbert's mechanical skills to repair a faulty system in the station's optical network. Things seem to be going well, until Eiffel and Hilbert discover that one of their screwdrivers has vani...Show More

22:10 | Apr 28th, 2015

Tensions run high when the crew revisits the issue of how to handle Doctor Hilbert's continued presence on board the Hephaestus. With Eiffel, Minkowski, and Hera all bringing their own perspectives, fears, and agendas to the table, discussions soon g...Show More

23:14 | Apr 14th, 2015

An unscheduled emergency air vent leaves Eiffel and Minkowski stranded in the station's hidden laboratory. Their attempts to escape from the concealed room are put on hold, however, when they discover a hidden cache of audio logs left behind by Capta...Show More

27:22 | Mar 27th, 2015

After weeks in a state of emergency, Eiffel, Minkowski, and Hera are faced with an unexpected challenge: staving off boredom during an uneventful night on the Hephaestus. Desperate for any way to pass the time, the crew goes through games, contests, ...Show More

21:39 | Mar 14th, 2015

Still dealing with fallout from Hera's deactivation, the crew struggles to keep the rapidly deteriorating Hephaestus functional. Overwhelmed, sleep-deprived, and constantly faced with new mechanical problems, Eiffel and Minkowski can't escape the fee...Show More

25:01 | Feb 27th, 2015

Still rattled by their recent discoveries, Eiffel and Minkowski try to force Hilbert to reveal what he knows about the Hephaestus's mysteries and the details of his secret mission. But will they find some way to get their prisoner to cooperate with t...Show More

24:39 | Feb 14th, 2015

Unsure of who or what to trust after the events at Christmas, Eiffel and Minkowski make contact with Mr. Cutter, their liaison to Goddard Futuristics and the mission's direct supervisor. But given Hilbert's actions, how wise is it to inform Command a...Show More

19:38 | Dec 25th, 2014

Part two of two. The repercussions of the crew's discovery and Dr. Hilbert's actions continue to disrupt the station's Christmas plans. Cut off from Minkowski and with limited time to act, Eiffel decides to take a risk. Plus, Smokey Bear Mode, Mr. Ke...Show More

19:23 | Dec 24th, 2014

Part one of two. It's Christmas Day on the Hephaestus. While Minkowski does her best to approximate a traditional holiday dinner, Eiffel decides he's going to try to smoke his last cigarette. Both plans are put on hold, however, when Dr. Hilbert stum...Show More

24:17 | Dec 12th, 2014

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23:22 | Oct 31st, 2014

In accordance with protocol and the need to maintain crew morale, Minkowski insists on holding another of her infamous talent shows. Both Eiffel and Hilbert come up with schemes to weasel their way out of having to participate, but neither of their p...Show More

05:12 | Oct 23rd, 2014

Eiffel takes some time from his busy schedule to answer third graders' questions.

17:17 | Oct 10th, 2014

When Minkowski and Hera get into a fight, Eiffel decides to stay out of the way until the dust settles. But the station’s deadly mutant plant monster stowaway somehow gains control of Doctor Hilbert’s mind, and it soon becomes clear that the crew has...Show More

16:35 | Sep 26th, 2014

The Hephaestus Mission reaches its 500th day since launch, and Eiffel is determined to make the most of the occasion. His celebration is cut short, however, when a power outage knocks out Hera and all of the station’s automated systems. The crew must...Show More

19:29 | Sep 12th, 2014

A mysterious illness strikes Eiffel, quickly leaving him out of commission and bedridden. It falls on Dr. Hilbert’s medical expertise to find some way to get the Communications Officer back to full health. But as the days go by, Eiffel begins to susp...Show More

16:00 | Aug 29th, 2014

Eiffel takes a quick trip to the exterior of the Hephaestus in pursuit of a cleaner reading of one of the mysterious space transmissions. Things seem to be going well ‚Äď until an unexpected stellar flare leaves Eiffel stranded outside of the station. ...Show More

16:35 | Aug 15th, 2014

The time arrives for another one of Dr. Hilbert’s infamous biannual physical and wellness checks, causing Eiffel and Minkowski to descend into a state of panic. With life and limb on the line, they each find creative ways to delay the inevitable: Eif...Show More

17:26 | Aug 15th, 2014

When Eiffel discovers that there’s only one tube of toothpaste remaining on board the Hephaestus, he realizes that a delicate situation is upon the crew. His solution? Steal the toothpaste, barricade the door to the comms room, and hope for the best....Show More