Audio Drama

The Story Must Be Told

The Last Podcast Network


An upsetting short fiction anthology set in a church at the end of the world. Every week, Brother Reid and Pastor Andrew (plus guest preachers) deliver gooey tales of suburban horror, experimental anti-gospels, and weirdo sci-fi. There's no god in ou...Show More

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The Wind

25:20 | Feb 5th

Wooosh wooosh that’s the wind and it says, “I’m gonna getcha.” Oh, that nasty wind, always blowing foul tidings down our chimney, stirring ashes and breaking branches. Today, we read a Story about such a wind, and bow our heads in contrition so that ...Show More

The House Of Crispo Part 2

23:18 | Jan 29th

Brother Reid has recovered, though his mind is scrambled like a blood egg. He returns to finish the Story, and gulp of the Story’s fine juices. Boys grow disobedient, but the Story rectifies all trespasses through the purifying agony of Story. Story!...Show More

The House Of Crispo

22:12 | Jan 22nd

Cherish the disobedient child. Cherish their ignorance. For only the rude and stupid can be enveloped into the heart of the Story. It is our duty to bring new, empty minds to the Story, to our homes, so it may fill them with the light of Story. Oh St...Show More

The Son Of God Dies from Multiple Stab Wounds

22:37 | Jan 15th

I’ll make you my son if you don’t behave, and you won’t like what happens to my sons. Ohh they do ALL of daddy’s chores, and of mommy they must anoint. It’s a threat, and it’s TRUE, whether you are mother, aunt, or nephew, you’ll all suffer as sons. ...Show More

Farm Fresh - Guest Preacher Jared Logan

21:37 | Jan 8th

The uterus should be called “the Story box” because it is where all our Stories begin! Nothing invigorates the Story like the squeals of an infant in the wet folds of a mother, or better yet, two infants, or three or four! Today, we hear the Story of...Show More

Overheard At The Party

21:32 | Jan 2nd

Many of you attended parties recently, to ring in a false year endorsed by no Story but by the liar we call “Calendar.” Do not congregate, least of all for the ringing of a false bell. For, by attending any gathering the Story does not endorse, you f...Show More

A Statement Concerning Christmas

24:37 | Dec 25th, 2018

The Story rejects Christmas because Christmas rejects the Story. Do not let anything into your hearts that is not the Story! That's a sure way to heart-rot, and I wouldn't lie to you. In protest to this corrupt season, we give but one gift: the gift...Show More

Bonus Episode: The Stories of Heretical Christmas

24:34 | Dec 21st, 2018

Our hearts are burdened with love for you, our dear congregation. Our arteries are full of well wishes! Our veins are clogged with oxygen-depleted wishes. We are a chugging machine whose only duty is to love you and make you feel the seasonal spirit ...Show More

We Wish You Were A Worm

25:53 | Dec 18th, 2018

Dirt is a home for those who eat dirt, who take long naps in dirt, and mate, sloppy, in the dirt. As our bodies fall apart and our guts squish with painful gases, remember the dirt, a healthy place you will one day go. Have you considered how happy i...Show More

The Mathematics Of Grocery Stores

26:52 | Dec 11th, 2018

The grocer is our friend in commerce and our enemy in the Story. We do not deserve options for cereal, nor variety in our nut butters, whole wheat crackers, and lunchmeat. Give us but one choice, so that we might smack it up in our greedy mouths, and...Show More

It's My Right

24:47 | Dec 4th, 2018

Every show on TV is sinful, shameful, and lacking in the Story. Does society and mainstream media intentionally shun the Story and its truths, or is it simply blind? The result is the same: the Story denies you. Listen as the Story denies our own con...Show More

Gone And Still Here

24:20 | Nov 28th, 2018

The songs I hear on the radio talk to me, and what they say no one should hear. Everything talks. The city breathes and sighs, and the fields caw and cry. Every creature makes sound, but not all are heard. Sometimes, a voice is lost, muffled, suffoca...Show More

An Intruder Intrudes

27:26 | Nov 20th, 2018

Look out! You can’t lock the door! Nothing stops this stranger, and gosh, that’s the rough stuff about it, when you get down to the Story’s bitter truth. Love your loved ones, because tomorrow, by the Story’s fickle whims, you may not love them anymo...Show More

A Thunderstorm In There

27:23 | Nov 13th, 2018

“Brain meat, brain juice / Slice the scalp, and let it loose.” That’s a psalm by good ol’ Saint Chunkworm, about that unsatisfactory organ cramping our skulls. Nothing up there to care for, so the Story tells us. Drink a brew, smoke a stink, do what ...Show More

The Bird That Learned About Weekends

25:29 | Nov 6th, 2018

On Saturdays, I make love to leisure. On Sundays, I caress the gentle, sweaty folds of relaxation. Yes, we’re all lovers of “time off,” but we never think to question the unholy rhythm it creates—a cessation of nature’s beating heart. The Story tells...Show More


21:54 | Oct 30th, 2018

The “family tree” is an invasive species, a plant of the damned. It robs nutrients, hoards genetics, and drops human apples of flesh and parasites to spoil the ground. Cut the tree down! Axe it into planks, so it may become something useful: a boat, ...Show More

The Book Of Melody - Guest Preacher Jackie Zebrowski

23:34 | Oct 23rd, 2018

Oh, this bod bursts with song! I am a husk for tasty tunes, a chrysalis for zesty rhythms. What worse is there then, than talent wasted? Imagine a sweet baby that learned to juggle, or a dog that learned to speak. If any creature on The Story’s earth...Show More

The Realtor

14:07 | Oct 16th, 2018

The Story gives us our homes and today it takes one away. A home is but a house without the Story stirring within—do not think you control this process for even a goddamn second. Go ahead, make meals, make stinks, make squirts, and sire children in y...Show More

The Boys Open

17:41 | Oct 9th, 2018

Two boys in the courthouse. Two boys with the clerk. Two boys in the swimming pool. Two boys out to work. Gosh, all those boys! Of course, sometimes one slides under the tractor, turns to boyslaw. Can’t help that! Oh, how the boys leave us, in their ...Show More

Hard At Work

19:07 | Oct 2nd, 2018

Labor is its own reward if what you labor to produce is candy, money, or frothy milk. Otherwise, labor is no reward at all—it is a curse! Beseech the Story that your labor is not so laborious, and that one way or another, your labor will end. Heh, no...Show More

The Unruly Teen's Display

21:26 | Sep 25th, 2018

Healthy teens, good teens, sinful teens, teens of virtue. There used to be so many kinds of teens! Today we remember them. Burn a candle, pour a drink, smoke a smoke and cry a cry for us, the post-teen society. This truth from our first season has be...Show More

The Pilot

17:25 | Sep 18th, 2018

If you are currently picking a car for your family, we at the Church of the Story can only make this recommendation: consider the minivan. Nothing like a minivan to swell one’s heart, transport one’s family, and doom, doom, DOOM one to fiery embers. ...Show More

Pretty Machines

24:12 | Sep 11th, 2018

Electronics are our friends, and sometimes our sticky neighbors. Some electronics aid, and some deny, some tend to relationships, and others still play card games on digital screens. What novelty! Yet also: what cruelty to such incipient intelligence...Show More

The Horseman, Or: Stay Uninvolved

20:43 | Sep 4th, 2018

It’s mighty tempting to stick one’s nose in a neighbor’s business. I myself have been guilty of sullying my neighbors’ lives with my hubris. Well here’s a lesson for you: the Story takes an interest in none of us. It has no scorn, and it has no favor...Show More

Rugged Boy Fancy Kit

19:38 | Aug 28th, 2018

Oh, you can’t hide from the Story. The Story finds us in cars, in hospitals, in our cousin’s bathroom and on air-o-planes. The Story finds us, traps us, advances until we’re scared in the corner with a knife in our hand, and then—and ONLY then—does i...Show More

Magic Mary and Freddie Fox Go To Magic Town

22:03 | Aug 21st, 2018

Gather your children, all the ones you care to, for our service. The Story will invoke in them the rigor of the student, the angst of the sergeant, the filth of the drifter, and the scar of the unrepentant. The Story’s got warnings, children, but als...Show More

The Chimera's Nest

29:22 | Aug 14th, 2018

Welcome to our cleansing fire, congregant. Go ahead and toss your squirming bundle onto the pyre if you like—if you’re listening from home, add it to your own fire. O! that char gets the nose tingling. O! how it envigors the soul. We all must be tame...Show More

The Boat That Went To Hell

28:24 | Aug 7th, 2018

All kinds of boats out there, with funny names, too. Brigantine. Schooner. Paddle. In a way, this here church is a boat, and each of you a mate upon its deck. Swab it, dear congregation, to earn your place in the captain’s chambers amidst the dribbli...Show More

Oh, Poor Dennis!

24:23 | Jul 31st, 2018

Parishioner Chet Ulcers told me a story, and I can’t help but relate it to today’s service. He said he saw his wife at the movies last week. Well, she wasn’t in the seat next to him. She wasn’t in the lobby. Course, for as long as she’d been dead, sh...Show More

Who Is Your Milky Boy?

14:32 | Jul 24th, 2018

It ain’t easy to sire a child with spoiled milk, nuh uh. Stretch on some gloves, milk yon squirters into an old Cro-Croa bottle, and bring yon pride to our collection. We have bottles dappled with sweat, others hot as irons, and some just fulla dregs...Show More

An Awaited Transformation

22:56 | Jul 17th, 2018

Sister Callista is a cherub-throated truth-slinger, and she slings it hard n soupy uh huh. There’s truths about Grandmas the Story wants you to know. You better keep them waxy caverns open, so the Story might sluice through yon meat, and transform ye...Show More

More More More More More Short Stories

18:02 | Jul 10th, 2018

Purkley Katzman died in an industrial accident. Got peeled like a dang grape by one of them machines used to stretch leather. Big juicy mess—everyone had a taste. Anyhow, he ain't here for short stories anymore, but you're in luck: Klipplinghands Gre...Show More

When Dominoes Pizza Let A Teen Die

23:11 | Jul 3rd, 2018

Wear that grin between grease-soaked lips and chew the curds of delights digested. Let the bolus yon esophagus squelches die within ye, turn to dribbling juices and bubbles of harsh swampen gases. We are bodies, hosts of parasites, tombs of delivery ...Show More

Petitions To The Darkness

14:39 | Jun 26th, 2018

In the Story we are each victor and we are each prophet. In the Story we are used and abandoned, bankrupt and shallow. Ohh the Story will find you. The Story will know you. In your happiest moment, the Story will decide, uh huh oh no that rascaaal. ...Show More

The Second Sermon of Cardinal Larson

23:16 | Jun 19th, 2018

We are once again graced with the devoted, inspirational Cardinal Larson of the Archdiocese of the Church of the Seven Trusted Greases. He's been a-travelin, a-preachin, a-lovin, and a-greasin. Give him every tiding you can bestow, and he will love y...Show More

The Grease Of Our Elders

16:38 | Jun 12th, 2018

Simple delights do not come simple. Even an orange juice, before its juicy demise, first blistered the picker’s palm, stung the eyes of the orangist. Eyes wept, and teeth gnashed for your thirst. Mmmph, there is a sloshing of misery integral to all a...Show More

The Disgusting Man

20:23 | Jun 5th, 2018

Nothin like squatting yon hams in a restaurant, opening that gooey maw, and swallowing whole the goods the chef has birthed. But, oh dear Story, how our fellow humans ruin every good time: chattering, snorting, suckin n imbibin n laughin n nose-blowi...Show More

The Mother Of Nature

26:19 | May 29th, 2018

Our dearest Preacher Jackie, the Miss Good Zebrowski, has returned to deliver a story of retribution true. Olden times were worsen times, we can all attest, those of us who knew them. Let us worship modernity, because ain’t nothin like an aisle of ch...Show More

The Veteran

21:08 | May 22nd, 2018

where does the Boy lead us except to certainty? he takes our hand, cold as his might be, and tugs us along no matter how we resist. curse you, the Boy! we wish not discover the tidings he deems necessary. we wish not endure the vision he sets before ...Show More

An End To Loneliness

12:33 | May 15th, 2018

the rain is falling on my face and I feel the gusts envelop me, cradle this leakin bod. it's a weatherly hug, uh huh, an embrace for a storyteller true. in another minute I won't be here, and in weeks my name will be forgotten. heh, but there will be...Show More

The Grand Circus

16:39 | May 8th, 2018

o! how my lawn it disappoints thee. a damn shame. a foul stinking lot of indecency. i caught the local youth upon it again—more every year, names more senseless than the last. brentyn. l'aurent. david. garf'eld. i curse! i slobber with outcry! what ...Show More

Goop In The Evening

14:28 | May 1st, 2018

enter, and feast upon the delights we pilfer, the secret tidings we unearth. sniff it down and get gooey right here, right now with me. we find our own meaning, our own reason to exist when all appears as desolation. heh, though, course, some of us h...Show More

For A Moment, I Had A Friend

19:06 | Apr 24th, 2018

ee ee oo oo, a story fine a story tru. mm hmm, a sad one no doubt, about the isolation we all face. i know my solitude most painfully in the shower, amid thy bubbles n scrubbin brushes, where no soul sees you and you have no voice but your own. then ...Show More

Mercy and Condemnation

19:27 | Apr 17th, 2018

music does not calm every troubled soul, no matter how they might sing, no matter how they might melodicize. the body is a tomb for us, and its desires our chains which constrict and pinch. is a soul troubled by a body truly troubled? use yon bodies ...Show More

The Father, The Mother

15:23 | Apr 10th, 2018

some folk work real hard. some folk just sit there, stew in juices, and turn to greases to stain the chairs and linoleum. course, some folk do both. ain’t exclusive, rot and labor. they shake hands just like the rest of us, cept course those of us wi...Show More

The First Sermon of Cardinal Larson

16:27 | Apr 3rd, 2018

for this dutiful midnight vigil, the first tuesday of common days, we are graced with the beloved, articulate Cardinal Larson of the Archdiocese of the Church of the Seven Trusted Greases. he shares his many beautiful stories about his travels with u...Show More

A Lapse In Nature's Judgment

22:59 | Mar 27th, 2018

we are each of us a product of wriggling porcelain tails and elusive siren eggs. we forget how we once were two. no more, nuh uh, mm hmm. today, we remember our gooey beginnins, we cherish our genome, and we mourn the fallen, of which there are incal...Show More

An Audience With The Queen

20:40 | Mar 20th, 2018

today we celebrate the feast day of sain't jo, in whose matronage we engage so ruefully: lewdness, grotesquerie, tragedy. we are blessed with this liturgy frothy n fearful from Sister Callista of the Queasy Madre. sniff it down, yon juicies Invocati...Show More

You May Eat Me

19:53 | Mar 13th, 2018

civic duty binds us once as citizens, and twice as lovers. we are beckoned by nation to hoist standards, mouth recitations, and adore patriarchs, yet we know the cost. big truths consume the lesser truths, make stool of abandoned precepts. every lie ...Show More

Mommy's Little Tipper

15:34 | Mar 6th, 2018

oh by truth we are drawn to such meager beings squabbling underfoot and lying provocatively in beds of saliva and mounds of masticated plastic. how we chastise, beseech of them polite human behaviors, declaring “he thinks he’s people!” when you know ...Show More

Super Value Menu

21:34 | Feb 27th, 2018

yes uh huh some of us enjoy the salty treats of food which is fast, and others of us depend upon yon morsels, teeth decrepit from substance and poverty. how fates intertwine, how doom swells and rains its pregnant waters over us all, the greasy and t...Show More

A Perfect Vessel

19:18 | Feb 20th, 2018

on this day we remember a patron true a saint of courage and unshakable faith. that's why we all wear our prettiest clothes and paint our faces and present such handsome grins and firm grips of hand. it's why i wear red. what tender boundary tween be...Show More

The Stink War

16:07 | Feb 13th, 2018

Everyone bow yur heads for what im about to preach, uh huh: it’s time for juicy business. Get them lips a-smackin, because we got a special guest preacher, Preacher Jackie Zebrowski, spreadin a gospel of right on healthy goo. Sup thee gentle. Introd...Show More

A Cowboy's Story

16:37 | Feb 6th, 2018

Wipe your hands on your pleats, then clean your nails with yon sopping lips: the Story has been birthed unto us eager acolytes. Oh! how it stews there, such promise and squelching. Ee! how it inspires, gets these hips swayin and tongues drippin. Touc...Show More

A Man For The Woman

20:37 | Jan 30th, 2018

In the name of the grease, the pleas, and the holy crease: we welcome you to Season 2 of The Story Must Be Told. Our congregation is humble, and our drips polite. Please please bow down with us in penitence. Give that kneeler a sniff. Smells like gas...Show More

The Christmas Spectac-U-lar

25:25 | Dec 19th, 2017

Do you hear them bells ringin? Do you smell that sweet ham smokin? Why, it's the day for which all the broys and grirls delight: the Story Must Be Told Christmas Spectac-U-lar. Get greasy for one of the more fucked up episodes in recent history, cont...Show More

Skin Rips & Yuck Yucks

23:33 | Nov 28th, 2017

What delights we spread and cheeks we kiss in this healthy November treat. Get them mouths agape, for tidings shall fill thee with MERRIMENT. Stories shared so kindly: 1. More, More Important Stories from Purkley Katzman: ooh, yum yum, so many lil s...Show More

The Feast of All Grins

23:19 | Oct 31st, 2017

Enjoy, on this day of spook and froth, a special monthly episode. Be unsettled by our poetry, be merry at our delights, be told of the story. 1. The Man the Sun Forgot: a healthy spooky tale for spooky healthy tots 2. The Auction: Ascension: uh oh,...Show More

The Pestilence of Labor

31:33 | May 16th, 2017

The season finale has come upon us eager acolytes, blessing our brows with drips of grace. Breathe now, and be consumed with our supple voices: 1. Hard at Work: all living beings undergo a terrifying plague in small town USSA 2. The New Consciousnes...Show More

Small Homely Men

29:08 | May 2nd, 2017

Here's a lil truth for your sweet truth-ears: gosh, it's stories! What kindness and gentle caresses. Featured: "The Unruly Teen’s Display" "The Council" Oooooooh gosh oh goo. Season finale out May 16. TSMBT is a podcast by Post Everything Productio...Show More

Trainman, Waxman, Tongueboy

34:54 | Apr 15th, 2017

Lordy lordy, what a sweet surprise we have for ye on this, ye season’s antepenultimate episode. Ooh yes, we’re a seasonboy. Seasoned. Supple. In this, ye Lord’s episode: 1. "Come On Ride a Train" 2. "The Wax Man" 3. "The Frenectomy" Ughhh, umph, um...Show More

Phantasmagoria of Truth and Yearning

35:38 | Apr 2nd, 2017

What glory and what delights are here, waiting for you like a sweet lover. Oh yes, mmmmff, a few short glories of such sweetness as: 1. "Important Short Stories by Purkley Katzman" 2. "Unclean Before the Praetorium" 3. "The Auction" Hot goddamn fuc...Show More

Three Dead Grotesques

28:48 | Mar 17th, 2017

Oh shucks, mmmph, a few lil ol stories for lil ol you, for lil ol me. What delight. What earnestness. The three graces for yon healthy ears: 1. "The First Photo of God" 2. "The Realtor" 3. "The New King" Hot darn, hot goddamn darn. Next episode out...Show More

Worlds, Boys, Demons

30:25 | Mar 4th, 2017

Oh dear oh goodness, a fifth episode to grace yon ears with such tender gyrations. What ecstasy. What intimacy. Stories pushed right up in here: 1. "To See the World" 2. "The Boys Open" 3. "Juan Gonzalez" Mmm mm mm, oh shit, mm. Next episode out Ma...Show More

Spidertheft, Motorskills, Camarolove

26:26 | Feb 18th, 2017

Mm hmm i got the stories you want right here heh heh. Oomm, nothing like a few chewy gooey stories to enjoy, stories like: 1. "Spiderbite" 2. "Listney" 3. "Red Hot Camaro" Oh fuckin golly. Next episode out March 7. TSMBT is a podcast by Post Everyt...Show More

God, Friendship, and Love

24:26 | Feb 2nd, 2017

There are three deliberate, thoughtful TRUTHS contained in this third episode of The Story Must Be Told, and their names are: 1. "Goats and Sheep" 2. "Burial" 3. "A Simulation of Love" TSMBT is a podcast by Post Everything Productions. Next episode...Show More

A Hand, A Van, Dreamt City

29:07 | Jan 23rd, 2017

Stories featured in this second, healthy, virtuous episode of The Story Must Be Told: 1. "Shake My Hand" 2. "The Pilot" 3. "The Dreamt City" TSMBT is a podcast by Post Everything Productions. Music and Recording: Carl Schroeder. Stories and narrati...Show More

A Boy, A Boy & BIRDS

32:25 | Jan 12th, 2017

Contained in this first, fresh, eager episode of The Story Must Be Told: 1. "An Important Story about Marriage, Feat: The Boy" 2. "Justin and Insignificance" 3. "BIRDS" TSMBT is a podcast by Post Everything Productions. Music and Recording: Carl Sc...Show More