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How To Do Everything

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We're half advice show, half survival guide. We answer all your questions, from how to find a date, to how to find water in the desert.

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Beefily Ever After

22:37 | Nov 18th, 2016

In our last episode, we learn how to drink tea, build human towers, watch the sunset forever and find the Ian inside all of us.

Freedom, Justice, or Peter Sagal

20:43 | Nov 11th, 2016

We learn what happened to a two-thousand year-old toe, and what to do when our voices make you sick.

StoryCorn

17:08 | Nov 4th, 2016

Devil In The White City author Erik Larson helps us write gooder, and we tell you how to snack silently at the movies.

We Accidentally Made A Halloween Episode

20:36 | Oct 28th, 2016

Mark Bittman helps us answer a very creepy question, and we learn who's helping the Obamas move.

Romancing The Cod

10:53 | Oct 21st, 2016

How to talk to fish and protect your yard signs.

Trust Him On The Frustum

16:53 | Oct 13th, 2016

We help you brush that dirt off your shoulder and get the most out of your Reese's.

The Never-Ending Cave

16:03 | Oct 7th, 2016

We tell you how to get deep and how to fake childhood memories.

The Sound of Silence

11:15 | Sep 30th, 2016

A listener needs help opening his Velcro bag quietly, so we call in the military.

Fiddlin', Gruntin', Snorin' and Carlin'

22:44 | Sep 23rd, 2016

How to get people to remember your name and find thousands of worms. Note: this episode talks about curse words but bleeps them out. It's educational, but there's a lot of cursing.

The Champ

23:59 | Sep 16th, 2016

We tell you how to keep your fries crispy and make your friends cry.

Usain/Boat

15:32 | Sep 9th, 2016

How to lose to Usain Bolt by a slightly smaller margin, and another use for your bowling shoes.

Bonny's Dream

17:02 | Sep 2nd, 2016

How to endure hearing someone describe their dream.

Bears and Bubbles

18:02 | Aug 26th, 2016

How to bathe discreetly and get close to a panda.

Bears, Tigers, Leeches, and Spicy Food

22:02 | Aug 19th, 2016

How to pick a winner in a bear v. tiger fight, find an endangered species, and eat spicy food.

Best Man O' War

21:55 | Aug 12th, 2016

How to train your pet jellyfish and plan a wedding no one will forget.

The Only Olympics Guide You'll Ever Need

27:37 | Aug 5th, 2016

With how-to advice from a bunch of Olympians and Patrick Stewart.

Lyin' Eyes

11:46 | Jul 29th, 2016

How to protect your cow and pull a loose tooth.

Merry Chrismas!

16:52 | Jul 21st, 2016

How to celebrate your new favorite holiday and enjoy the Summer Olympics.

Pee-Rex

21:02 | Jul 15th, 2016

How to talk to a dinosaur and survive a public bathroom.

Human Feet and Graham Crackers

25:11 | Jul 8th, 2016

How to have less fun at the beach, and how to enjoy graham crackers.

A Bulge in the Ol' Onion Bag

22:51 | Jul 1st, 2016

How to defend against the dark arts, call someone a jerk, and look cool around dads.

The Birds & the Bees

18:33 | Jun 24th, 2016

We help Ryan and Ryan, and learn what bees are thinking.

Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs

21:33 | Jun 17th, 2016

How to blend into the background, and harness the secret power of watermelon.

The Pee Dance

17:59 | Jun 11th, 2016

Why you do what you do when you've really gotta go.

Scoreboards, Scanners and Southwest

14:09 | Jun 3rd, 2016

How to keep score at a Cubs game and find the best seat on your next flight.

The Stink Tree

27:04 | May 27th, 2016

This week we save a marriage and improve the most awkward minute of your day.

You're The Man Now, Dog II

22:51 | May 20th, 2016

This week we find out why EJ sings.

You're The Man Now, Dog

17:04 | May 13th, 2016

How AC/DC could save your life, and we defend weasels.

Nsyncs and Faucets

17:52 | May 6th, 2016

How to keep a secret, and how to say goodbye bye bye.

The Next Generation

18:11 | Apr 29th, 2016

A 21st Century mom gets a visit from the 24th Century.

Yes, No, and Present

24:36 | Apr 22nd, 2016

How to avoid a bad bee sting, get back at bad Facebook posters, and look cool when you're carrying a Trapper Keeper.

The Interminator

23:25 | Apr 15th, 2016

How to shake hands like a politician, free up space on your iPhone, and talk about golf.

The Office Spitter

15:20 | Apr 8th, 2016

The fun way to monitor air pollution and deal with an annoying co-worker.

Sabotage!

18:40 | Mar 31st, 2016

How to defeat the Nazis and wind the Great Clock.

Long Distance

15:35 | Mar 25th, 2016

We talk to astronauts on the International Space Station, and help name a burrito restaurant here on earth.

Headphones Recommended For This Episode

21:32 | Mar 18th, 2016

How to start your day and clean the ceiling.

Crooked Letter Humpback

21:07 | Mar 11th, 2016

How to tell the presidential candidates apart and count seconds effectively.

Bum Bum Bum Bummmmmm

19:37 | Mar 5th, 2016

How to actually enjoy yourself at the symphony, and sneak your name into your favorite TV show.

Love & Basketball

16:19 | Feb 26th, 2016

This episode has nothing to do with the movie "Love & Basketball."

Science Hotline Bling

15:53 | Feb 19th, 2016

Special guest Nick Offerman solves your biggest problem, and who to call when a killer asteroid is on its way.

The Axe Effect

17:05 | Feb 12th, 2016

How to make your food taste sweeter, and valentines that say Be Someone Else's.

Leave a Message at the Beep

24:39 | Feb 5th, 2016

How to leave a message, send a message, and destroy drones.

NASCAR & Donald Trump

15:20 | Jan 29th, 2016

Boy, that title makes it seem like a different show this week. Note: this podcast contains no actual Donald Trump.

Henry & Robbie

17:57 | Jan 22nd, 2016

How to make s'mores in the most dangerous way possible, and how to make s'peace with your rooster.

Escape!

21:41 | Jan 16th, 2016

How to sleep with the fishes and live like El Chapo.

Bulls, Bears, Elks and Peters

21:27 | Jan 8th, 2016

How to talk about the stock market, get an elk out of your basement, and spoil SpaghettiOs.

Goodnight Goose

27:55 | Dec 18th, 2015

How to deter thieves, tell a bedtime story, hum a song, and find sunken treasure.

All I Want For Christmas Is Poo

18:29 | Dec 11th, 2015

How to celebrate Christmas in Catalonia, ruin French toast, and get a seat on the subway.

The Pants-Splitting Index

17:23 | Dec 3rd, 2015

How to find giant insects, serve eggnog, and welcome extraterrestrials.

Thanksgiving Dinner

16:58 | Nov 25th, 2015

How to always win the wishbone pull, dodge awkward dinner conversations, and eat as much as possible.

Trash Talk & Art

15:10 | Nov 19th, 2015

How to distract someone you love, and a surprising discovery in Queen Elizabeth's art collection.

Thumbs Up!

24:08 | Nov 13th, 2015

How to smuggle a live chicken, frighten your dentist, and hitchhike offensively.

The President of Sniffing

23:32 | Nov 6th, 2015

How to stay awake during meetings, look sexy in a safety vest, and really smell something.

Buried Alive!

12:01 | Oct 29th, 2015

How to escape when you've been buried alive, and more. If you've been buried alive, though, just call 911 and listen to the episode later.

The Tooth Mouse

20:14 | Oct 23rd, 2015

How to throw a really unsettling punch, scare someone, and delight children around the world.

Plenty of Fish and Davids

16:38 | Oct 14th, 2015

How to survive a breakup, keep your bike from getting stolen, and count Davids.

Death From Above

16:48 | Oct 7th, 2015

How to defend yourself against monsters, lend money properly, and play a game of Crud. Also: a correction.

The World's Largest Grilled Cheese

20:26 | Sep 30th, 2015

This week, we provide assistance to the Russian Government, and to two small children.

Welcome, Pope Francis!

21:32 | Sep 22nd, 2015

Pope Francis is visiting the US this week. We help him act like a local.

The Dog Has Something To Tell You

24:56 | Sep 17th, 2015

How to take a photograph of your cat, talk to your dog, talk to a British person, and talk to a British dog.

Planet, Money

08:17 | Sep 3rd, 2015

How much money is there on the planet? We investigate.

All About Spike

09:05 | Aug 30th, 2015

Ian visits a corpse flower, a stinky jungle plant which has been waiting 12 years to bloom.

Spearfish

12:54 | Aug 20th, 2015

We talk about the weather, but not in a boring way. We hope.

Sheep, Spiders, and Jenga

18:36 | Aug 14th, 2015

How to send secret messages, heal your wounds, and more.

Stay Cool

14:38 | Aug 7th, 2015

How to stay cool in the summertime, and salt your food without salt.

Baby Names and Outhouses

23:06 | Jul 31st, 2015

This week we tell you how to choose the best name ever for your baby and investigate an old outhouse mystery.

We Don't Want To Startle You

10:43 | Jul 15th, 2015

A listener wants to know how not to get startled. Ian and Mike either help or make it worse.

Hat Tricks and Sirens

16:01 | Jul 9th, 2015

This week we tell you how to get a fancy free hat and freak out your entire town.

Sonia Sotomayor and Some Other Things

23:39 | Jul 1st, 2015

We listen back to our interview with Sonia Sotomayor, we cure brain freeze, and the Fonz himself helps you look cool.

Out of the Office

26:45 | Jun 26th, 2015

Ian and Mike are out of the office. They talk about it, then they change the world, then they play some old segments.

The Song of the Scrub-Jay

16:42 | Jun 19th, 2015

How to defeat your winged enemies and prove how good you are at the bongos.

The Ericpalooza

15:50 | Jun 10th, 2015

How to take beautiful photographs of your cat, and how to digest your food. Plus, we say goodbye to a beloved colleague. Not Gillian. We already said goodbye to Gillian.

We've Got Our Fingers In A Lot of Pies

14:01 | Jun 3rd, 2015

How to conduct yourself around pie, and how to name your bird.

Micropigs and Fossils

17:19 | May 20th, 2015

We help you relax, and help you become a fossil. Plus, some words of encouragement as you enter the final days of the exclamation point fast.

Braying Donkeys and Braying Modems

21:20 | May 13th, 2015

How to make sense of what your computer is saying, make an uneasy pengiun comfortable, and use up old newspapers. Plus we have a tip to get you through the last week of our Exclamation Point Fast.

Small Talk and Penguins

16:45 | May 5th, 2015

We help endangered penguins carry on their species, and we help you make small talk with kids. Plus: our Exclamation Point Fast continues, with catastrophic results.

Mountaintops and Nosebleeds

20:41 | Apr 28th, 2015

How to make a mountain shorter and a new use for bacon. Plus, we check in on our exclamation point fast.

F-Bombs, Chicken, and Exclamation Points

18:47 | Apr 21st, 2015

How to find alternatives for the f-word, cook your chicken in the most spectacular way possible, and stop using exclamation points! That was our last one.

High Five!

21:09 | Apr 14th, 2015

How to celebrate without getting everyone else sick and the fastest way to get published in the New York Times.

Stunt Baby and The Dog Olympics

23:21 | Apr 7th, 2015

How to make your pregnancy more exciting and the Olympics more competitive.

Wake Up and Eat Birthday Cake

16:27 | Apr 2nd, 2015

How to wake up, celebrate your birthday properly, and shoot a free throw. This is not an April Fool's Day episode. Were we supposed to do an April Fool's Day episode?

Cheetah Allen and The Kiss of Death

19:47 | Mar 25th, 2015

How to become Cheetah Boy, and a warning about lipstick.

Milk & Asparagus

22:14 | Mar 17th, 2015

How to get the milk you want and deserve, and the truth about asparagus.

Cows & Noses

15:18 | Mar 10th, 2015

A cow is rescued, and a nose is picked.

Babies vs. Winter

26:02 | Mar 4th, 2015

How to beat the winter, find love, and make the Olympic team.

Kissing With Braces and Falling Ice

14:34 | Feb 24th, 2015

We help you get unstuck and survive your walk to work.

Theater Butts

08:20 | Feb 17th, 2015

This week we help you find your seat without bothering the people around you.

Rally & Bluff

22:51 | Feb 10th, 2015

How to drive a rally car, bluff convincingly, and look pretty when you get your picture taken.

Biweekly Shark Butts

20:46 | Feb 4th, 2015

This week, how to never miss a meeting, decide if your shark needs pants, and more.

Cereal and The Super Big Sports Game

13:52 | Jan 27th, 2015

How to keep your cereal from getting soggy, and we make a very interesting dip for the big sporting event with the misshapen ball that will be played on Sunday and shall not be named.

Laps & Laptops

20:09 | Jan 21st, 2015

How to stop that email you shouldn't have sent, and how to swim a lap. Plus: a friend in need is a friend indeed.

Linsanity!

25:23 | Jan 14th, 2015

This week we solve an age-old spinach mystery and help out the FBI. Plus football predictions from Gillian!

Clues and Legos

17:30 | Jan 6th, 2015

How to crack a case, and how to build a really, really, really big Lego model.

This Episode Is Only For Cows

0:00 | Dec 23rd, 2014

This episode is only for cows. Humans are advised to skip this and listen to one of our many human-focused episodes instead.

Less Cowbell

0:00 | Dec 22nd, 2014

Cows, it turns out, hate the sound of cowbells. We try and help out our bovine friends.

Santa Claus, Ninjas and Fruitcake Toss Day

0:00 | Dec 20th, 2014

This week a Ninja Master gives Santa some tips on sneaking around and how to make 2015 the best year ever.

Hair and Apostrophes

0:00 | Dec 13th, 2014

A listener is getting laser hair removal, and it hurts. A lot. Mike and Ian help her deal with the pain, with some help from the toughest people they could find.

The Punch

0:00 | Dec 5th, 2014

This week we tell you how to punch someone in the face without hurting anyone and get solar power the Jackie Chan way.

Thanksgiving Leftovers

0:00 | Nov 27th, 2014

We're out of the office this week, but we've put together a few Thanksgiving-ish howtos from past shows.

Choose Your Own Adventure

0:00 | Nov 24th, 2014

How to survive family time this Thanksgiving. Plus, the moving walkway is coming to an end.

Sweat & Comic Sans

0:00 | Nov 14th, 2014

How to find all those typoos you made, and how they test out those wicking t-shirts.

Physical Chess

0:00 | Nov 7th, 2014

We do our best to help out Josiah, who needs to beat a much stronger guy in arm wrestling. Also: nocturnal sneezing.

How To Boo Everything

0:00 | Oct 30th, 2014

A special Halloween episode with lots of zombies and scary things.

A Man and His Bike

0:00 | Oct 24th, 2014

How to get service at a restaurant and a man learns to ride a bike without training wheels.

The Diplomat & The Goatherd

0:00 | Oct 17th, 2014

How to correct someone gracefully, and how to mow your lawn without a lawnmower.

Sialoquents and Pricklouses

0:00 | Oct 11th, 2014

How to get the most out of your root beer, insult people from ancient times and make peace with that sneezy guy on the train.

The Bustle In Your Hedgerow

0:00 | Oct 3rd, 2014

How to predict the winter, describe the taste of bubblegum, and park your blimp safely.

Doodles, Names, and Best Boys

0:00 | Sep 27th, 2014

How to make sense of the credits at the end of a movie, doodle old school, and how companies choose the names for people in their ads.

Gin and Garbage

0:00 | Sep 19th, 2014

How to freshen up with gin and we solve a stinky mystery.

Dinosaur Shirts, ATM Fees and The Flavor of Names

0:00 | Sep 12th, 2014

How to dress your Dreadnaughtus; avoid ATM fees and taste somebody's name.

The Very Large Cat

0:00 | Sep 5th, 2014

Mike and Ian help you with a common pet problem. Also, they've missed you, by the way.

Summer Vacation Postcard #2

0:00 | Aug 15th, 2014

Ian takes a visit to the National Ice Core Lab in Colorado, where they store all those thousand-year-old ice cores they pull out of Antarctica.

Summer Vacation Postcard #1

0:00 | Aug 8th, 2014

How not to get lost in the wild. A quick tip from our summer break.

The Noid

0:00 | Aug 2nd, 2014

We're on the road this week, so just a short show for you. But we will tell you the strange, tragic story of The Noid, the old Domino's Pizza mascot from the 80s.

Shipwrecked Legos and Eating Crickets

0:00 | Jul 25th, 2014

This week we tell you how to turn beach trip into a treasure hunt and how to snack on crickets.

Babies and Emergencies

0:00 | Jul 18th, 2014

How to travel with your baby, and what to do when you've really, really got to go.

Scoreboards, Scanners and Southwest

0:00 | Jul 11th, 2014

Life inside a scoreboard and how to find the best seat on your next flight.

Water, Hawks, and 24

0:00 | Jul 3rd, 2014

How to get your very own bottled water past a TSA checkpoint, defend your international tennis tournament from varmints, and protect the President.

Meatballs, Manatees, and More

0:00 | Jun 27th, 2014

How to make sense of a buffet, jump out of a plane, and swim like a manatee.

Moments, Ounces and Atoms

0:00 | Jun 20th, 2014

We tell you the worst way to clean your chimney, how to take moment and the one thing you should be scared of this week.

Reclaiming Poindexter

0:00 | Jun 11th, 2014

How to prepare for the World Cup, and how to tell your parents you're getting married. Plus: the moon, the tides, and a man who wasn't entirely happy with a recent episode of "Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me."

Human Feet and Graham Crackers

0:00 | May 31st, 2014

How to have less fun at the beach, and how to enjoy graham crackers.

Dr. Down, Whales and Something Scary

0:00 | May 23rd, 2014

How to introduce yourself, get rid of that whale on the beach, plus the one thing you should be afraid of this week.

The Meat Pi?ata

0:00 | May 16th, 2014

The inside story on the greatest burp ever burped, how wild animals celebrate Cinco de Mayo, and more.

The Gilligan Rule

0:00 | May 9th, 2014

Breaking Bad's Vince Gilligan determines exactly how long people need to wait before talking about spoilers, Mary Roach helps a listener with a fart-related question, and more.

Dinosaur Baths and Hot Enchiladas

0:00 | May 2nd, 2014

This week we tell you how to bathe your T.rex and eat your lunch without burning yourself.

Peeps, Dolphins, and Video Games

0:00 | Apr 25th, 2014

How to get rid of those leftover Marshmallow Peeps, make good use of your pet dolphin, and play video games forever.

Mr Hand, Curveballs and Flaming Doritos

0:00 | Apr 18th, 2014

This week we tell you how to make a rat laugh, throw a better breaking ball and start a fire with snacks.

Yes, No, and Present

0:00 | Apr 11th, 2014

How to avoid a bad bee sting, get back at bad Facebook posters, and look cool when you're carrying a Trapper Keeper.

Frozen, Floods and Chips

0:00 | Apr 4th, 2014

How to open a bag of chips, save all the animals and go up to bat. Plus, Jeff Garlin tells us how to pick the perfect Christmas tree.

Driving, Sneezing and Zombie Cologne

0:00 | Mar 28th, 2014

This week we tell you how to fool zombies, how to sneeze in the Daytona 500 and we find another reason to love fried shrimp.

Clothes, Dice, and Food

0:00 | Mar 21st, 2014

How to save money on clothes without giving up anything but your dignity, minimize the number of fights during Monopoly, and get the excellent restaurant service you don't deserve.

Cologne, Nimrods, and The Chicago River

0:00 | Mar 14th, 2014

How to get rid of that perfume you never wear, properly call someone a nimrod, and celebrate St.Patrick's Day Chicago style.

Weather, Cats, and Hockey

0:00 | Mar 9th, 2014

How to properly make use of your cat, and how to make it in the NHL. Plus special guest meteorologist Paula Poundstone gives us our first ever weather report.

Groundhog Day, Oscars, and Squat Thrusts

0:00 | Feb 28th, 2014

We remember Harold Ramis by learning how the movie Groundhog Day was almost very different, John Lithgow tells us how to play it cool at the Oscars, and we help a listener find love at the gym

Bees, Bees and Cans

0:00 | Feb 25th, 2014

This week we learn how to beat a spelling bee, how to talk to bees and a new use for cement.

Verkhoyansk, Hijacking, and Puffy Coats

0:00 | Feb 14th, 2014

How to feel better about this freezing winter, and how to prevent a hijacking. Plus, something to think about when you're smashed between two people in puffy coats on the subway.  And if you're playing along at home: it's spelled Verkhoyansk.

Tiny Catapults, The Tug Of War, and Seth: The Human Glacier

0:00 | Feb 7th, 2014

This week we tell you how to move like a glacier, write a cartoon musical and lose friends.

Arm Pits, Bunny Boots and Beer Slushies

0:00 | Jan 31st, 2014

This week we tell you how to keep your beer from freezing, keep your hands warm at the South Pole and how to talk about the Super Bowl without saying Super Bowl.

Rice Krispies, Names, and Spies

0:00 | Jan 25th, 2014

How to deal with an embarrassing name, and how to spy like a lady. Plus, a revelation that may change breakfast forever.

Demons, Tongues and A-Rod

0:00 | Jan 18th, 2014

This week we tell you how to pour pulled cod like a pad kid, put out a fire like a frat boy and we help A-Rod figure out what to do this summer.

Electric Kisses and Polar Vortexes

0:00 | Jan 11th, 2014

How to take the spark out of your romance, survive the deep freeze, and growl like a radio bear.

Cow To Moo Everything

0:00 | Dec 27th, 2013

The great Sir Patrick Stewart, in perhaps the role of his life, helps a listener answer a question about cows.

Tips, Hugs, and Egg Nog

0:00 | Dec 20th, 2013

How to get the best possible tip when you're waiting tables, how to hug properly, and Peter Sagal joins us for an Egg Nog taste test.

Autographs, Wrestling, and Babies

0:00 | Dec 14th, 2013

How to get an autograph, how to have a baby (but not how to make a baby), and a visit from pro wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin. Plus: we talk to a couple winners of our Thanksgiving Travel Photo Contest!

Fancy Feathers and The Full Beaver Moon.

0:00 | Dec 6th, 2013

This week we tell where Big Bird comes from, how new colors get their names, plus the Full Beaver Moon.

Your Thanksgiving Survival Kit

0:00 | Nov 27th, 2013

A game to make horrible holiday travel slightly less horrible, political strategist David Axelrod helps you dodge those awkward Thanksgiving dinner conversations, and more.

Love in Outer Space, Pressed Pants and The Humping Dog

0:00 | Nov 25th, 2013

This week an astronaut tells you how to have a long distance relationship, how to press your pants when taking a nap and how to spoon.

Shipping, Basketball, and Wind

0:00 | Nov 16th, 2013

How to ship a package in a way that will lessen the likelihood it gets destroyed, score an eight pointer when you’re playing basketball, and measure the wind. Plus: wordsearch winners!

Coasters, Word Searches and Swearing

0:00 | Nov 9th, 2013

How to get free coasters, curse across the world and avoid offending people with your word search. Plus, one last Toilet of the Week.

Batholiths, Milk and The Full Riker

0:00 | Nov 1st, 2013

How to tell your rock formations apart, introduce yourself to the wonderful world of Star Trek, and do a body good. Plus: a portable Toilet of the Week!

Hal Needham, 1931-2013

0:00 | Oct 28th, 2013

Hal Needham, our favorite stuntman, died Friday at 82. He did stunts in more than 300 films, directed "Smokey and the Bandit" and "The Cannonball Run," won an Honorary Oscar last year, got a lot of speeding tickets, and broke a lot of bones. He was a...Show More

Spitting Politely, Late Fees and Accordions in Jail

0:00 | Oct 24th, 2013

How to survive the food at a bar mitzvah, get out of jail and rack up billions in late fees. Plus, a spooky toilet of the week.

Car Stereos, Ticks, and Water

0:00 | Oct 12th, 2013

How to protect your valuables, discover a new species, and order water at a restaurant without looking like an idiot. Plus: an international Toilet of the Week!

Stink Fights, Corn Chips and Sour Toes

0:00 | Oct 4th, 2013

How to keep your dog safe on roadtrips, fight off a lemur and a trip to the Yukon.

Bees, Baseball and Heisenberg's Blue Meth

0:00 | Sep 27th, 2013

How to stop a swarm of bees from ruining your game and a totally legal way to make blue crystal meth.* *not actually crystal meth, but it is blue

Reporting A Tough Story

0:00 | Sep 20th, 2013

Washington Post reporter Ian Shapira talks about covering the Navy Yard shooting. And: now that the new iPhone has a fingerprint scanner, you don't have to enter in your password anymore, which saves you almost half a second. We'll tell you a few way...Show More

Spoilers, Pronunciation, and Jury Duty

0:00 | Sep 17th, 2013

How to avoid spoilers, pronounce a really, really, really long name, and get out of jury duty.

The Christmas Singularity

0:00 | Sep 7th, 2013

How to get ready for a tennis match, plan a flea circus, and take a compliment. You look nice today, by the way.

An Unsolved Mystery, The Bagel Tote and Dog Compliments

0:00 | Aug 31st, 2013

How to compliment your dog, get your bagel sandwich to work without making a mess and twerking.

Olinguitos, Rock Shoulders and an Awkward Robot

0:00 | Aug 23rd, 2013

How to discover a new mammal, have the coolest name in baseball and make a robot laugh.

Man-Eating Fish, Rock Stars and a Photo Finish

0:00 | Aug 15th, 2013

How to clean up after a rock star and make the call on a photo finish. Plus, a special warning to our listeners in Scandinavia.

Smoking, Stinking and Hypnotizing

0:00 | Aug 2nd, 2013

How to deal with your smelly roommate using hypnosis or a plant.

How To Move Your Gigantic Magnet

0:00 | Jul 26th, 2013

This week we join the crew from Fermi Lab on the final leg of their electromagnetic road trip.

Smuggling, Ponies and Ice Cream

0:00 | Jul 19th, 2013

How to sound intelligent at the race track and smuggle money across the border. Plus, Peter Sagal tries your ice cream.

Poodles and Noodles

0:00 | Jul 13th, 2013

How to survive on a desert island, name your baby, and pass the time while you're waiting for your baby. Also, we like poodles and noodles.

Magnets, Airports, and Bees

0:00 | Jul 2nd, 2013

How to move your really, really, really big magnet, survive when your flight get cancelled, and weigh your pet bee. Plus: your Toilet of the Week!

How To Keep Animals From Escaping Your Zoo

0:00 | Jun 28th, 2013

This week we tell you how to prepare your zookeepers to deal with a rogue panda.

Monkey Fighters, and Finding A Stranger In The Alps

0:00 | Jun 21st, 2013

How to look cool as a cucumber when it’s hot as a something hot outside, and how to make something NSFW into something SFW. Plus: a technologically advanced toilet of the week, and more.

Face-Offs, Ice Cream and You Got Served

0:00 | Jun 14th, 2013

How to win in hockey, create a new flavor of ice cream, and another reason to be suspicious of the UPS guy. #HTDE111

Mobsters, Burritos and Goodbyes

0:00 | Jun 7th, 2013

This week tell you how to intimadate jurors, pronounce the longest word in Germany and deal with your stinky clothes.

Butter, Demons, and Cheese

0:00 | Jun 3rd, 2013

How to improve your butter experience 1000%, perform an exorcism, and obtain cheese in the most dangerous way possible. Plus: your Toilet of the Week!

Cicadas, Basketball and Darth Vader

0:00 | May 24th, 2013

How to cook cicadas and how to be Darth Vader. Plus future NBA stars tell you how to be a basketball fan.

Spies, Patches and Bathtub Reading

0:00 | May 17th, 2013

This week we tell you how to recruit a double agent, spruce up your uniform and keep your books dry.

Popcorn, Dr. Ruth and the Confidence Chamber

0:00 | May 10th, 2013

How to enjoy popcorn, survive the Confidence Chamber, and get a good night's sleep - with help from Dr. Ruth.

Beer, One Night Stands and Bleeping Bleep

0:00 | Apr 29th, 2013

How to talk beer, write an obituary and make the best of a badly timed one night stand.

Sinkholes, Water Hazards and Construction Workers

0:00 | Apr 19th, 2013

This week we tell you how to play golf without wearing any pants, fit in with construction workers and deal with sinkholes.

Movies, Bugs, and Hands

0:00 | Apr 12th, 2013

How to keep that guy behind you from talking all the way through the movie, spy on your enemies, and get a job in modeling even if you’ve got a weird face. Plus: our March Madness winner, and a very remote Toilet of the Week!

70 Days in Bed With Howard

0:00 | Apr 5th, 2013

How to prepare for a galactic journey.

B2s, Basketball and Romance

0:00 | Mar 29th, 2013

How to fly a space age war plane, how to explain love to your dog and a very special toilet of the week. Plus, a March Madness update with Dick Vitale.

Beyonce, Rihanna, and The Talent Show to End All Talent Shows

0:00 | Mar 22nd, 2013

How to win your elementary school talent show, keep your daughter from making fun of you, and drive as dangerously as possible. Two of these are a good idea.

McNuggets, Donkey Kong, and Drawing

0:00 | Mar 18th, 2013

How to make the perfect Chicken McNugget, celebrate the lifting of the NYC Soda Ban, and impress your three-year-old daughter. Plus the great comic book artist Chris Ware helps you learn to draw, and a very contemplative Toilet Of The Week!

Deer, Cars, and Dogs

0:00 | Mar 8th, 2013

How to rescue a deer friend or human friend stuck out on the ice, and name your new car. Plus we listen back to an Iditarod dispatch as the great sled dog race goes on in Alaska. Plus: your Toilet of the Week, and we give you nicknames.

Keyboards, Jingles, and Oscars

0:00 | Mar 1st, 2013

How to clean your disgusting computer keyboard at work, sit comfortably at an awards show, and Barry Manilow helps a listener write a catchy jingle. Plus: our first ever Human Toilet of the Week!

Chips, Penguins, and Spy Planes

0:00 | Feb 22nd, 2013

How to open your bag of chips easily, every time, how to keep from falling on the ice, and how to test out your new spy plane. And of course, your Toilet of the Week.

Speeches, Speakers and Chinese Food

0:00 | Feb 12th, 2013

How to sit behind the president during the State of the Union Address and you'll never eat Chinese take-out the same again.

Seals and Responses

0:00 | Feb 7th, 2013

This week we learn how to create a presidential seal and how to give the official response to the State of the Union Address. Plus, a Toilet of the Week just in time for Mardi Gras.

Heads or Tails

0:00 | Feb 1st, 2013

How to cash in at the Super Bowl, camouflage your car, and a very, very special guest helps a listener learn to love baseball. Plus: your toilet of the week!

Photos, Football, and Shrek

0:00 | Jan 26th, 2013

How to take a portrait of President Obama, how to play wide receiver in the NFL, and how to take on the role of Shrek in your high school musical. Plus: Producer Blythe goes out into the world to find our Toilet of the Week.

Ponytails, Armstrong, and Frogs

0:00 | Jan 19th, 2013

How to make the best ponytail possible, keep your milk from going bad, and use those old Livestrong bracelets you're not wearing anymore. Plus, Saturday Night Live & Portlandia's Fred Armisen comes back to help you with another problem.

Episode 90: Bill Pullman, Bill Paxton, and Gerard Depardieu

0:00 | Jan 11th, 2013

How to remember which one's Bill Pullman and which one's Bill Paxton, how to act like a local in Russia, and an international Toilet of the Week. Also, for our Jurassic listeners, how to ride a dinosaur.

Gum & Onions

0:00 | Jan 5th, 2013

How to keep from crying when you chop onions, how to finish that joke from Dumb & Dumber, and a childhood fear gets investigated.

Planes, Boats, and Looking Cool

0:00 | Dec 21st, 2012

How to test out an airplane, look cool, and set up a classic joke. Plus: our toilet of the week, and the beginning and end of our new segment, "Nautical Notes."

Crash Blossoms, Smuggling, and Standup

0:00 | Dec 15th, 2012

How to smuggle drugs across the border (or stop a drug smuggler, if that's more your thing), become a standup comedian, and root for your favorite team. Plus: our toilet of the week!

Power & Hotels

0:00 | Dec 7th, 2012

Just a quick show this week as we're on the road, but we will tell you how to charge your phone when you forget your power adapter, and we talk to author Lee Child. He writes the Jack Reacher books, about a guy who pretty much knows how to do everyth...Show More

Hecklers, Cheetahs, and Goodbyes

0:00 | Dec 1st, 2012

How to face down a heckler, make a movie with a cheetah, and get off the phone. Plus: our first international Toilet of the Week!

The Thanksgiving Episode

0:00 | Nov 20th, 2012

How to always win the wishbone pull, and navigate Thanksgiving family drama. Plus: Paula Deen on turkey, and we talk pumpkin pie with James Iha of the Smashing Pumpkins. Seriously.

Bumper Stickers, Scandals, and Bugs

0:00 | Nov 15th, 2012

How to get a bumper sticker off your car, find a suitable substitute during a cockroach shortage (this is something that happens, apparently), and read a woman’s t-shirt without looking like a creep. Plus, Carl Bernstein, of Woodward and Bernstein, h...Show More

Skeuomorphs, Hurricanes, and Showtunes

0:00 | Nov 2nd, 2012

How to stop a hurricane and win every single swing state. Plus the lovely Kristin Chenoweth helps you sing a showtune, with assistance from another very special guest.

Apple, Baseball, and Halloween

0:00 | Oct 26th, 2012

A look inside the Apple Store Employee Manual, how to enjoy the World Series if you’re like Ian and you don’t know a thing about baseball, and how to make a good Halloween costume.

Lunch, Art, Cows, and Miracles

0:00 | Oct 18th, 2012

How to always remember your lunch, steal a million dollar painting, hang out with a farmer, and more. Plus: our Toilet of the Week.

Cupcakes, S'mores, Plants, and Toilets

0:00 | Oct 12th, 2012

How to eat a cupcake, make s’mores properly, and maybe, just maybe, help your plants grow. Plus, our Toilet Of The Week!

Public Toilets, Debate Prep and Nintendo

0:00 | Oct 5th, 2012

We tell you how to prepare for your presidential debate, fix your old Nintendo games and begin our most ambitious project ever.

Rompers, Sloshing, and Announcing

0:00 | Sep 28th, 2012

How to dress for the office, keep coffee off your pants, and take over the mic at a volleyball game. Plus: why you always lose at crane games.

Pocket Squares, Mustaches and Secret Videos

0:00 | Sep 20th, 2012

This week we learn how to care for a new mustache, pick a pocket square and recover from an embarrassing video.

Strikes and Alibis

0:00 | Sep 14th, 2012

How to lie about your secret mission and talk about strikes. Plus info about the How To meetup in Atlanta.

Corn, Refs, and Ikea

0:00 | Sep 7th, 2012

How to get your corn off the cob, ref an NFL game, name your modern Swedish furniture, and more!

The Only Olympics Guide You'll Ever Need

0:00 | Jul 27th, 2012

With how to advice from: Sir Patrick Stewart, US Olympian Matt Tegenkamp, New Zealand Olympian Quentin Rew, Nigerian Olympian Koko Archibong, Australian Olympian Russel Mark, Senator and Olympic Gold Medalist Bill Bradley, Canadian Curler Kristie Moo...Show More

Treasure, Vetting, and Zombies

0:00 | Jul 19th, 2012

How to save money at an outdoor music festival, zombie-proof your car, and become a Blue Man. Plus, Governor Evan Bayh tells us how to survive the VP vetting process.

Some Old Segments You Might Like

0:00 | Jul 11th, 2012

Mike and Ian are out of the office this week. But we went way back to the early episodes to find the old segments we’re actually not embarrassed of! If you’ve heard every episode, maybe skip this. But if you’re a new listener, we’ll tell you how to a...Show More